Couples Counselling

Most of us strive to be part of an intimate, loving and meaningful relationship. However challenges can occur at any stage in our relationship and most couples will experience difficulty at some point. Unfortunately, research  suggests that couples tend to wait an average of 7 years before seeking professional support.
Have you and your partner been waiting too long?
Is it time to invest in your relationship?

6 Signs That Your Relationship
Needs Help

  1. Increased silences (limited communication). 
  2. Spending less time together.
  3. Little to no intimacy or sex.
  4. Focusing more on children or work.
  5. Constant or gridlocked arguments.
  6. Thoughts of, or interest in someone outside of the relationship.

Common Issues

  • Communication Issues: not feeling heard or understood.
  • Lack of intimacy and emotional connection.
  • Reoccurring conflicts- same disagreements over and over again.
  • Trust and commitment (physical or emotional infidelity).
  • Power struggles.
  • Financial stress.
  • The challenges of parenthood.
  • Grief, loss and other external stressors.

How Couples Counselling Can Help

  • Can provide a neutral and comforting space where open and honest communication can occur.
  • Learn effective ways of communicating and techniques to resolve past and current conflicts.
  • Increase shared meaning and purpose.
  • Strengthen trust and commitment.

Tools and Strategies

  • How to listen to your partner so they feel heard.
  • How to raise a disagreement with a 'softened start up' so as you may avoid harsh conflict. 
  • Learn the difference between perpetual problems versus solvable problems and how to approach them differently.
  • Simple strategies to improve your friendship and connection.
  • Learn to recognise the four types of negative communication (contempt, criticism, stonewalling and defensiveness) and their antidotes.
  • Identify your partners bids for connection and learn how to 'turn towards' them.
  • How to have stress reducing conversations and self soothe when distressed.

How I Work

The theoretical foundation of the couples counselling I practice is based on The Gottman Method (post graduate training, levels 1 & 2). Dr. John Gottman is a professor of psychology at the University of Washington. Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman is a clinical psychologist, researcher, speaker, and author. Together they co-founded and lead a relationship and therapist training entity called The Gottman Institute. Their research spans over 4 decades and they have published more than 11 books and numerous academic papers.
These research based interventions are combined with my holistic, person centred approach to form a unique and whole hearted therapy to improve your relationship.

What to Expect

It can be daunting to commence counselling, I practice in a non judgmental and empathic manner, you can be assured that I do not 'take sides', each partner will be invited to be heard and understood in every session.

During the initial session (90mins $140) we will explore the history of your relationship and  some areas of conflict. You will then each take home a series of relationship questionnaires specifically designed to assess all aspects of your relationship, such as Trust, Commitment, Shared Meaning and Purpose, Conflict Management, Intimacy, Fondness and Admiration. 

It is recommended that the second and third sessions are individual (60mins $80). In these one on one sessions  each partner will return their  questionnaires and be invited to share their personal history and their relationship frustrations and hopes. Please note, that information disclosed within this session will not be withheld from your partner. In other words, my alliance is to the 'relationship', rather than the individual so you would only share things that you would disclose to your partner.

The fourth session (60mins $100 or 90mins $140, the choice is yours) will be a review of your relationship goals, utilising the tools and strategies relevant to your relationship.
It is my personal philosophy that each session end on a positive note so as you may return to your lives a little more connected and hopeful.

The duration of relationship counselling is difficult to determine, most couples begin to see improvements after the fourth session, 8-12 sessions is generally the recommended duration.

What if my partner won't come?

Sometimes one partner is not interested in counselling, some common reasons include: personal/family values surrounding counselling (viewed as weakness), feeling as though the counsellor will take their partners side, a belief that there is nothing wrong or that things will sort themselves out.
Whilst it is recommended that both partners attend, if that is not possible then individual counselling can still support you through your relationship difficulties. Over time your partner may notice the positive changes and may even join you in future sessions.
At the very least, working on improving your own health and well being will positively impact your life and those around you.

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To make a relationship last, couples must become better friends, learn to manage conflict, and learn ways to support each others hopes and dreams.
Dr. J. Gottman